ORIGIONAL POST September 29, 2008 - Monday
this song comes on, and its like i can see my entire life played out in the video, before i even saw the video. some times in life we make decisions that seem to almost haunt us. and at the time they seemed like great decisions, but looking back, you realize all the hurt and pain you drug behind you from the destruction caused along the way. i know i was forgiven, but for some reason, a long time later, i cannot forgive myself. i find it hard to. it was something that was not fair to do to that other person, and i willl live with shame for the rest of my life for it. i know that person forgave me for what i did. for some reason i cannot forgive myself. i have never hung something over my head for this long. usally i deal with things, and i move on. but this one i cannot let go of. what i did was wrong. no i did not kill some one, but i think i did in a essence. so to speak. i miss that person something terrible from time to time. and i have found lately that i have been dreaming about this person. i cared about them very much, but not in the way they deserved. i knew i was not good enough for him from day one, but that did not stop me. we were going to have a family, and a life togehter, how was i supposto move on so easy from something. i walked away from a person, and hurt them so much, that i cannot forgive myself for it. every time i hear this song, i think of the last time i saw him. he picked me up at home for our divorce hearing. we drove there together. we went throuh it, and we left. i cried the entire way home, and that entire day. it shattered my life, and that was the last time i will ever see that person. it crused me down to my very soul, and i dont think any one knows how bad it really hurt me. i did not let that on. he was still my husband, and i walked away, not knowing really why either. i still dont know why i walked away. but i do know now that was the best decision i could have made for him. he deserves better than me, im not a prize here. im imperfect, but he made me feel like i was perfect. i think i just grew apart form him, as i do with most people. they get to close, i run. but i cannot run from this cloud hanging over my head. it will always be there, for ever.
Darius Rucker - Don't Think I Don't Think About It Lyrics
I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust Swore I wasn't coming back, said I'd had enough Saw you in the rear view standing fading from my life But I wasn't turning around, no not this time but Chorus: Don't Think I Don't Think About It Don't think I don't have regrets Don't think it don't get to me Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey Don't think I don't wonder 'bout Could've been, should'a been all worked out I know what I felt and I know what i said but Don't Think I Don't Think About It When we make choices we gotta live with them Heard you found a real good man and you married him I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind Where would we be today if I never drove that car away Repeat Chorus Don't Think I Don't Think about it Repeat Chorus Don't Think I Don't Don't Think I Don't
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